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The Minnesota State Fair's worst new food is the Amy Klobuchar waffle

Pictured, left to right: DFL U.S. Sen. Amy Klobuchar, man with sunglasses, man with regular glasses, Brandi Brown, DFL U.S. Sen. Amy Klobuchar's right hand.

Pictured, left to right: DFL U.S. Sen. Amy Klobuchar, man with sunglasses, man with regular glasses, Brandi Brown, DFL U.S. Sen. Amy Klobuchar's right hand. Twitter

"Who's Amy Klobuchar?"

This three-word trial, conviction, and execution of Minnesota's senior U.S. senator's presidential campaign was overheard as intrepid (read: sunburned and bloated) City Pages reporters passed by her campaign booth Thursday afternoon. We'd come to try the new foods. Turns out the least digestible dish was playing out just out of earshot.

To round out the anecdote, the young man who'd been asked about Amy paused, looking toward her booth for context. "I don't know," he said.

"Should we ask someone?" the first young man said. 

(They didn't.)

This would be damning if Klobuchar was, say, beamed into New Hampshire living rooms while on Good Morning America. An eligible voter asking "Who's Amy Klobuchar?" at the Minnesota State Fair is a death rattle that smells faintly of corn dog.

The Star Tribune reports Klobuchar, referring to just eking her way into the next Democratic candidate debate, told people she's "made the playoffs," and that "six times, the wild-card team has won the Super Bowl."

Thing is, those underdog teams would struggle to win if the quarterback dropped back to pass, and instead eyed potential receivers warily with a tight smile, told them they'd all run good routes and were deserving of praise, and he wishes there was a way he could throw to them all, but has lost that option due to the unforeseen circumstance of him getting sacked 12 seconds ago.

On Thursday, local comedian Brandi Brown (earlier spotted consorting with questionable leftists) approached Klobuchar's presidential set-up with one goal: Get Klobuchar to say if Minnesota has a better state fair than Iowa. Asked in Iowa, Amy's duck was so complete it's a wonder she wasn't whisked away to compete in some sort of "finest mallard" contest.

Maybe she'd tell Minnesotans.

Serrrrriously, this is getting sad. Klobuchar's polling around 0-1 percent these days, and doesn't even get mentioned in most campaign analyses. Isn't it time to bite the bullet and pick a fucking fair?

Hell, tell us you snuck away to the Guam Micronesia Island Fair and that the shows are better, the attendees are kinder and more attractive, and that you're "sick of white people." Politically, that would easier to swallow than this mush. 

Read our new foods reviews here, where you'll learn how we like our waffles:

  • Stuffed with cereal and melty chocolate, or
  • Lined with meat, onions, and pineapple, or
  • Topped with a cute scoop of ice cream, but under no circumstances
  • In response to easy questions.